Who are the Britians?

Part Who are the British and why are they so..British.
Today we are use to the image of the British being the second best, to America, they matter, but they are ultimately inferior to the US, but in the early 1900s, Britain was the single most powerful nation in the entire world. The nation had only a small population of only around 30 million (compared to the 40 million of Germany, or the 300 million of Russia), but that’s just the Island, cause they owned the single largest Empire in HUMAN HISTORY, single largest nation ever made, bar none, not counting the British themselves, 458 million people were under their control, and again that isn’t counting China, and owned, apart from England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, colonies all over the world. The owned more colonies in Africa than any other European nation, which is almost one third of all Africa, India, most of South East Asia, and had footholds in the middle east as well, and the single largest "sphere of influence" (read colony) in China, larger than all the other nation's spheres combined, with an actual colony in Hong Kong. They had the entire continent of Australia, the massive nation of Canada, all of Tibet, about half of the Caribbean, as well as New Zealand and New Guinea. here is a map of the British Empire in 1914, this map does not count the British puppet states in china, which are under British control, so in realty the Empire is even bigger. The British conquest of the world is something of an enigma, in that the actual English is tiny, the Germans could never understand how only 500,000 English troops were able to occupy India, with over 200 million. Even with guns and cannons, England should have been overwhelmed, but the British were clever (Cruel), and in all of the colonies, the various ethnic, religious and cultural groups were pitted against each other to prevent the nation from unifying, thus allowing the British to run the nation through puppet, and the British were the only European nation who actually benefited from their colonies economically. The British also instilled a sense of loyalty in their dominated people, as they actually made some effort to improve the lives of some of their people. Thus, while the British were still cruel and racist, they were better than other Europeans (Belgium, France, Belgium, Germany, Belgium ect). Britain could call upon a massive amount of manpower, resources and money from their many colonies, and everybody else felt that England owned too much and shared too little. English culture is worth pointing out, the English place a strong emphasis on being right, their is little tolerance for those who are frivolous or silly, British humor for example, people being embarrassed in public is seen as hilarious, because its something that everybody tries to avoid. Displaying emotions in public, bragging, and in particular, complaining are frowned upon. Stubbornness is a very important virtue, as the British, much like Rome, would always "solider one", and it is this mindset more than anything else that allowed England to dominate, the British simply didn't give up. They have a reputation for being cold and cynical, mostly that’s just a culture that doesn’t want to express emotions publicly, through if you look at British humor, its mean. The British military was famous for both its ruthlessness (beating was common) but also for its relative leniency, a commoner joining the army could get farther than he could in the French forces for example (this is before the war). The officers of the British army were all nobility, but they were nobility who were trained from birth to assume positions of leaderships, unlike the French or Russian nobility. This was weakening by the time of 1914, as England had a Parliament, and was a constitutional monarchy, allowing commoners to gain more power. It was the British navy however that they were most famous for, as this Island could take over nations worlds away, larger than all of the other European navies combined by the time of WWI, through it was a little outdated, the British had the most sea experience. You could defeat them on land (with some difficulty) but they were almost unbeatable at sea. Finally, Colin Murtha read this and said I was sucking up to the British and my anglophile nature was showing through, so I feel obligated to mock them, so bear in mind, as cool as the British are, you have to remember, as the largest empire, they almost solely responsible for almost every problem of the modern world. We blame America a lot, but we have only been really annoying in the last fifty years, the British are responsible for the Israel/Palestine conflict, the Pakistan/Indian conflict, almost everything in Africa (Rwanda/South Africa), the problems in Ireland and the fall of China.

FRANCEEEEEE

Part two-Who were the French and why were they such pansies?
The French are stereotypically a bunch of arrogant effeminate pansies who can't win any war due to their tendency to surrender. Before the world wars, the French were regarded as the second greatest world power, France is an old country, they have been around since the shortly after the fall of the Roman Empire (that’s at least 1500 years by the way). For most history, they have been a great military and cultural power, and at several points in history dominated large parts of Europe, and many times were either the richest or most cultural dominate part of that part of the world. And something happened a little less than a hundred years before WWI, and only fifty years before the infamous Franco Prussian war. That something was called Napoleon Bonaparte, who is in the top five list of “Greatest Badass in history”. Basically France overthrew their king and declared a Democracy after seeing America do it (whoops, our bad). Problem was that their first democracy was fanatical and went on a massive killing spree, and the second government that replaced it was corrupt and inept. Into this steps Napoleon Bonaparte, a 5’2 pudgy Italian man who pretty much single handedly he took on every single nation in Europe at the same time for 13 years (1799-1812) He pretty much won against all of the nations of Europe at the same time, and made Austria in particular his whiny little Bitch. Then in 1811 he invaded Russia and lost his largest army, and was defeated in 1815, came back a few months later almost won again, lost again at Waterloo. While France had been defeated, everybody still was in awe of Napoleon’s awesomeness, and so France was regarded as a super badass military power, then the Germans completely pwned in 1870. Despite this humiliation, French culture spread across Europe by Napoleon’s conquests, which included ideas like Democracy, unified militaries, and Jews been treated as people. Their culture was emulated by almost every nation except England and to a lesser extent Germany, as they had the finest food, finest fashion, finest art, some of the finest buildings, finest music, and fine women. This won them a reputation as a cultural powerhouse, but they were considered somewhat effeminate by the more militaristic Germany and England. Its worth noting that British and English don’t have a reputation for either fine fashion or food, while French food is amazing and they are the capital of the fashion world. The French upper class, unlike the English or German, learned other languages, understand fine food, getting into art work, dress nicely, flirt all the time (the French had a well deserved reputation for cheating on each other...all the time), fashion, poetry, and classics, and had an empire. France owned what is now Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia, as well as the second largest amount of "spheres of influence" (read puppet states) in China, next to England, and the second largest amount of African colonies, read rivalry. So when Germany came about, England was pretty into the idea, because Germany was a threat to France, their rival, cause, France and Germany HATTTTTTED each other. Finally, France was also a democracy, making them unique in Europe, and the closest ally of the USA, who distrusted England. Did I miss anything? Oh right, racism. France was not as racist as Germany eventually proved to be, Jews were officially accepted, but were persecuted and treated as inferior, IE the Dreyfus Affair, where the French chose to blame the loss of 1870 on the highest ranking Jewish Officer Dreyfus, and had him arrested. Turned out he didn’t do it, but the affair torn France political life apart between those who thought him innocent and those who thought him guilty. Also the French committed multiple genocides in Africa, so there is still blood on their hands, but we don’t care because again, those people aren’t white.